There were definitley some attacks today. They were almost comical. As I will be going down to teach English, of course it would be my speech that is affected. Almost every time I opened my mouth to talk my words were all jumbled. As I read allowed, my words were mixed up and stumbled over. And more so than ever my accent is coming out...nervousness will do it every time.

I need to keep reminding myself that it will be the Lord speaking through me. None of my abilities will accomplish the work the Lord desires to do, it is all Him.

Over the past couple of days I have seen my words and attitude change from the possibility of going to Japan to the reality, I will be in Japan from May until July.

I so desired to speak to Barbara and let her know that the Lord has answered each of our prayers. I thought I would have to wait until Wednesday when she has arrived and had a day to settle back in down there. Well, as the Lord has been reminding me through this whole process...He will do exceedingly abundantly more than we can ask or think. When I was out to lunch with my family after church today, I hear Barbara introducing Juneko to another lady behind me at the restaurant.

He didn't have to give me this blessing today, He could have allowed me to wait just a few more days. I love it when He shows me His love for me even in the small details of my life.

Today I met with Barbara regarding the possibility of my going to Japan. Prior to this meeting I prayed for the Lord to reveal His plans for me. I knew that if I didn't have clear direction from Him, I would be boarding the plane with her on Monday to head over there.

James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."

Well, He did just as He promised. He gave me wisdom into what He had for me. I was not to commit to a two year trip down there. I was to go for two months, leaving in May and returning around the end of June. And He gave me some insight as to the work that I would be doing down there.

As I sat with Barbara, she let me know of some of the needs they had. They have a few people who are in need of a respite. A husband and wife team need to return to the states to take care of some health and family concerns, they need someone to teach their English conversation classes. Barbara needs a respite as she has too much on her plate and needs a break from ministry to be able to care for her children and her husband. There is another young man who needs someone to take over his English conversation classes so that he can focus on his relationship with his fiance and their upcoming wedding.

I told Barbara that I would be praying about all this and asked her to speak with the couple that I woud be relieving and let me know what dates they are planning on heading back to the states. She already knew. She stated they desired to leave the middle of May. I let her know that this was in line with what the Lord had spoken to me regarding my trip down there.

Barbara heads back to Japan Monday morning. We are all going to be in prayer, seeking if this is truly the direction I am to take.

I so desire to take flight right now, ready to leave this life with its familiar rhythms and join in a new one.

A friend of mine was blessed to start such a journey today, though he has stated the fears, the unknowns, these things excite me for him and cause a bit of envy.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with a woman regarding heading out on a journey of my own, one that had the potential of a two year commitment. The Lord has told me that is not what He has, so we will be talking about a shorter mission. I am excited for the possibilities...I know that He has some great plans for me...with the freedom from the office, I could take several longer trips a year. I know that longer trips have the potential to steal portions of my heart and hold it captive in that nation, but the pain would only be due to an incredible blessing.

Today I received a call from my brother letting me know that he has been assigned to a new unit starting next week. This unit is being deployed to Afghanistan next month. He has put a request in to leave in May as his wife is expecting and their son is due to arrive in March.

Please be praying for them, his children, and my mom. They are all pretty upset at this possibility, as he just returned in November from Iraq.

Father, give me the words that Marc, Amy and my mom need during this time. I pray for boldness to speak to them Your word. I pray for compassion for them when their fears are taking over, that You would be able to reassure them that You are in control. Father, I pray for Jazmyne, Kennedy, Devon and Nathan, as they await the possibility of their daddy leaving again. I ask that Marc and Amy would have wisdom in their conversations around these little ears. That they would protect them from harsh words and fearful possibilities. Thank You for revealing Yourself to me and giving me such an incredible peace. I pray that this would be reflected in all my conversations with my family. In Jesus' Precious Name, Amen.

Prayer for my friends in Bolivia

It has been said that Christians have been BORN for BATTLE. It does seem that so much of life is a battle. We battle against our flesh. We battle to please our Saviour. We battle to be faithful and obedient. We battle against an enemy. Many of our battles are fought through PRAYER. One of the amazing things about prayer is that we can do battle with the enemy for each other. We ask you to do battle with the enemy on our behalf. About 6 weeks ago Felix and Larry visited the Simba community of Itau. As far as we know there is only one professing believer there. The purpose of our visit was to talk with the community captain to get his permission to hold an outreach Bible course in Itau. We were well received and will be holding a Bible course there this weekend, Jan. 25th thru 28th. Please pray as this community and a neighboring one will be hearing teaching from God's Word for the first time. While in Itau we met Ramon. He had lived in Itau years ago and was known for his drunkenness. He moved away and came to know the Lord as his Saviour. His testimony is as follows: As a new believer he was tempted repeatedly to return to drinking. He said at first the temptation was several times each day. What he did to resist the temptation was to immediately fall on his knees and pray. At first he did battle with the enemy often, then the enemy got weary of the fight and began to give up. Now Ramon is rarely tempted in that way. What a powerful testimony of God's changing grace among the Simba. We have invited Ramon to give his testimony during this outreach Bible course. Please pray during those dates that God will open blinded eyes. Do battle with the deceiver of men's souls. By God's unchanging grace, Larry and Linda Depue

New work

Isaiah 43:19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall sprout; shall you not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.

A little background....last May the Lord started to do a work in my heart, preparing me for a new work. At the time, an old friend was back in my life and I told the Lord that I was afraid to leave him behind, basically that I would not leave him behind. Then in July a family who had been on furlough in the states was heading back to Japan and made a suggestion of me coming out there, coming alongside them. I told them, "I am not called to Japan." Had I ever even prayed about this? No. I always saw myself in a third world country, Japan is clearly not...they are probably more advanced than us in many ways.

This past summer I was approved to purchase a home. In early October I felt the Lord was urging me to put this search on hold, which I thought was just til the end of the year...I still have no desire to even look at homes :) In November, He started telling me to detach myself from work, to get the office to a place to be able to run without me...oh, the fear, the control I had to relinguish, my job has always been my stability, the place I can excel and a place of escape...all things that are not of the Lord. This has proven to be so exciting, such a welcome relief of a burden I didn't even recognize as such.

The Lord has really been searching my heart over the past few months revealing a lot of reasons why I have not "felt called," to Japan. As He has been revealing these things to me, He has been calming all the fears, quenching the voice of the enemy.

Well, two days ago, I took the steps to get in contact with this family in Japan. Come to find out the wife will be here in Richmond next week as she is returning to take her oldest daughter to college. She will be here 4 days and she and I will be taking a couple of hours to fellowship and go over any questions I have. This morning I received an e-mail with the information about their ministry and the needs down there...I can not put into words all that this letter says to me, confirming somethings I feel the Lord might have already been putting in my heart.It is all so much bigger than I. It amazes me, not necessarily scary, just wow...

Areas of Growth

I have been noticing a lack of humility in my life...there is a lot of I's in my conversation. I desire greater humility, that there would be a recognition of need, a need which can only be filled by the Lord. As He is preparing me for a new work I know that I need Him, that it will be Christ who does the work and if He chooses to use me, I am honored. I pray I would quit seeing my ability, which is truly nothing, but only see His power and my need for more of it in my life.

There is one person in my life, my dad, that tempts me to anger, the root of this is not him, I know it is a pride thing with me. I know that I had expectations of him that were not met and now that he is trying to be a dad to me, there is much resistance on my part. I desire to hear him out, to accept that he is older than I and that the Lord has given him wisdom in some areas that I am lacking. There are two areas over the past year that he has been correct in and now, months down the road I am seeing that, but initially I was angered by his "opinion."

James 1:19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Proverbs 16:32 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

Proverbs 25:28 Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.

Forgive me Father for the arrogant attitude I have, I know You are doing a great work, I know that You do not need me, I am grateful that You would desire to use me. Father, help me to recognize in my actions and words that it is all You. Lord, less of me is what I pray. Break away all the independence that has been instilled in me. I desire to be used of You, to be a vessel in Your hands, please remove all of me, Father. I also ask Lord, that You would help me to see my dad through Your eyes, wash away all the anger, unforgiveness, and expectations that are not of You. Father, you are doing a great work in him, I see it, help me to put my flesh to death, my spirit desires to have all You are offering us, a relationship, that of father and daughter.

Perfect Gift Giver

John 10:10 "The thief does not come but to steal, and to kill and to destroy. I have come that you may have life and that you may have it more abundantly."

The ruler of this world, Satan, desires to destroy us in any way possible; temptations, distractions, physical afflictions, but the Lord came to give us life and not just a mediocre life, but an abundant one. Here are some examples of the gifts the Lord offers us:

James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life."

John 4:10 Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."

Acts 2:38 Then Peter said to them, "Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

2 Peter 1:2-4 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

Psalm 16:7 I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; my heart also instructs me in the night seasons.

Girlz Nite Out

Faithful Servant

Ezekiel 1:12 "And each one went straight forward; they went wherever the spirit wanted to go, and they did not turn when they went."

James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."

There is a theme here of not being swayed. Of being steadfast on the prize, keeping our focus on the cross. As the Lord is preparing me, there are so many things coming at me to distract me. Possibilities that are luring at me, needs that are pulling me.

Father, I pray for strength and discernment to keep my focus on Your will and the cross. I need You to guide me and give me discernment when something comes at me that seems good but is not what You have for me. Help me to forsake all for the calling You have given me.

Bands of Love

Hosea 11:4 "I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love, and I was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck. I stooped and fed them."

He gently and lovingly draws us, often these cords are ones we fight against and at times even curse. But if we closely look, if we ask for wisdom and seek the purpose of them, He will reveal the true identity; His bands of love.

Then just as a farmer releases the yoke from his oxen, God releases the yoke from our neck so that we can be free to take of His word, no longer held captive by this world and it's distractions, but instead resting in His arms, drawn by His bands of love.

The Lord gave me this verse Saturday, and at first I did not understand it's full meaning or truly see it in the light of all that God was doing in my life. But this is a perfect picture of the last month or so. He has been gently drawing me. First, the meeting with my boss that we need to get me to a place where I am not doing everything but instead managing...this was war in my heart...doing means control. Then I injured my hand, another gentle nudge to let go, and again more warring. A sermon one Sunday with a warning about attachments and them keeping us from doing what God would have us do; now understanding is taking hold...I am releasing. This is the final nudge I need and then the doc says that my hand needs a break, possibly up to 6-7 months...this is the Lord removing the yoke from my neck. I no longer spend hours at the office, working through lunch, working on my days off...I am able to feed. He has stooped down and is feeding me the Word each day. And I can't read enough, study enough, retain enough. Work has been my life, what freedom now that He has taken this yoke from me.

That I would be quick to relinquish those things that keep me from Him is my prayer. I am so thankful that He lovingly draws me, He knows me so intimately.

When God tells us to destroy something...how much do we believe He is telling us to get rid of? How often we hold onto the loot (1 Sam 15:1-9), and allow it to continue to destroy blessings God has for us and hold us captive to yesterday.

The freedom that comes when we truly destroy those things that God has told us "No" to, the destruction of our plans can truly be a beautiful thing if we allow it to be completely destroyed. This requires action on our part...getting rid of things that cause us to look back and visit those times, those dreams, relationships, etc.

As I have been destroying things of days past, the Lord has given me such freedom and excitement for the days ahead. I have no idea what those days hold, but I am so excited. I went back through my journals of the past year and a half looking for some promises He gave me that I recorded. I found many answered prayers, He has healed my heart...all the pain that I found amongst the promises, there is nothing but rejoicing when I reread them.

Praise Him for putting to death what I was so quick to hold onto and claim as my own :)

Pure Joy

I am amazed that I am still wide awake...my body this week has been running totally on the Lord's faithfulness. I have not felt well most of the week, a consequence of too much caffeine over the past several months which has caused the development of cysts in my abdomen again. When this happens, I have no appetite until they go away. On top of this most every night for the past few weeks, I have been too excited to sleep, my mind is all over the map, I can't get enough of the Word...He is constantly bringing things to remembrance, giving me little hints of what is to come. I am just so excited...the Lord is moving here, in my heart, in the heart's of those around me and in Richmond.

Today has been a day of remembrance and miracles. The Lord has reminded me of so many promises, He has reminded me of days past and His faithfulness. He has blessed me today with what may seem like small miracles to many, but had such a huge impact on my life. I don't know exactly what the Lord's plans are for the days ahead, but I can't wait to see.

After coming through the Refiner's fire this past year, I learned so much more of my Lord's character, of His incredible, never changing love for me. All of this has been preparation for something. My mind has headed down so many roads, written so many scenarios, but I know that I am seeking Him, and His will will be done in my life.

Remembrance

The Lord has been bringing to pass some things He had spoken to me and as I was searching my old journals for the initial revelations, I found some more blessings. In June of 2005 over and over again I recorded that the Lord was preparing me, warning me of a storm to come. One that was going to be of some magnitude and my prayer was for the Lord to let me feel His presence through this storm, that I would see His guiding hand. I look back over that time when the storm raged and I remember seeing God's hand, feeling His presence through all of it.

I praise the Lord for His faithfulness through that storm, it was probably the strongest since I surrendered my life to Him. I know He did a lot of refining in that time, a lot of chastening and healing.

Praise the Lord for the storms, there's a purpose in each one, most often it is a cleansing we need, a part of the refining taking place.

Diligence

Here I am supposed to be working from home and all I can do is sit here and day dream of a day down the road. At this moment I want to be done with working every day for a paycheck. I want to end each day with receiving a reward that is not monetary, but something that I will carry with me into eternity. I desire to spend each day soaking in God's word, sharing His word, encouraging and being encouraged. This ho-hum life of material gain, always seeking more and more, I am ready to be done with it.

But getting there is a process...one that I am supposed to be taking some of the first few steps in...working from home to get the guidelines in place for the office, getting all the job descriptions, office policies and work instructions written up so that when it is time the office can be handed over to someone smoothly.

I pray for diligence today, for a mind to be focused on the task at hand. Father, help me to focus, Lord, I know that You are going to bring everything into its perfect place in your time. I also know that all these things You have spoken to my heart have a purpose and that purpose will come to pass. Father, help me to be in this moment, to fulfill the task that You have laid before me today.